When I went to lunch today, I noticed an old man sitting on a
park bench sobbing his eyes out. I stopped and asked him what was wrong.
He told me, 'I have a 22 year old wife at home. She rubs my
back every morning and then gets up and makes me pancakes, sausage, fresh fruit
and freshly ground coffee.'
I continued, 'Well, then why are you crying?'
He added, 'She makes me homemade soup for lunch and my
favourite biscuits, cleans the house and then watches sports TV with me for the
rest of the afternoon.'
I said, 'Well, why are you crying?'
He said, 'For dinner she makes me a gourmet meal with wine and
my favourite dessert and then we cuddle until the small hours.'
I inquired, 'Well then, why in the world would you be crying?'
He replied, 'I can't remember where I live.'
An Irishman's Jocular Tale
An Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman all entered a 26
mile long swimming race.
After 12 miles the Scottish man gets tired and drops out.
Then after 16 miles the English man gets tired and drops out.
After 25 miles the Irish man decides he can't finish the race, so he turns around and swims back to the start.
After 12 miles the Scottish man gets tired and drops out.
Then after 16 miles the English man gets tired and drops out.
After 25 miles the Irish man decides he can't finish the race, so he turns around and swims back to the start.
Fun At The Movies
Last week Ronnie Walsh went to the movies at the Rialto Cinema
in Bristol to see "Slumdog Millionaire" but because of two women
loudly chatting together who were sitting in the row in front of him, Ronnie
was unable to hear the dialogue clearly.
Ronnie leaned forward and said in a stage whisper, 'Excuse me
ladies but I can't hear.'
'I should hope not,' stormed the woman, 'this is a private conversation.'
'I should hope not,' stormed the woman, 'this is a private conversation.'
Rosie Hall buys a self-assembly, flat-pack, cupboard from her
local Homebase store. Reaching home Rosie reads the instructions
carefully, counts the pieces then assembles the cupboard in the bedroom. It
looks really great and she is delighted.
Now, Rosie lives near a railway line and as the train passes
by the cupboard collapses. Undaunted by this misfortune she re-reads the
instructions and reassembles the cupboard. Once more, another train
passes and the whole cupboard collapses again.
Rosie now frustrated and thinking that she must have done
something "wrong" re-re-reads the instructions and re-re-assembles
the cupboard. Shortly, a train passes and the whole cupboard collapses
yet again for the 3rd time.
Rosie is now fed up, cross and rather angry so she 'phones the
customer service department. She is told that this is quite impossible
and that they'll send along a fitter to take a look.
The fitter arrives and assembles the cupboard. Again, a
train passes and the cupboard collapses. Completely baffled by this
unexpected event, the fitter decides to reassemble the cupboard and sit inside
it to see whether he can find out what causes the cupboard to collapse.
At this point, Rosie's husband comes home, sees the cupboard and says, 'Oh, that's
a splendid looking cupboard,' and he opens it to look inside.
The fitter, who had been wondering how to explain his position
in Rosie's bedroom cupboard, blurts out, 'You probably won't believe me, but
I'm standing here waiting for a train.'
Amusing Married Men Only Story
Will and Guy have no information as to the veracity about this
funny tale from the USA.
Apparently in a small town somewhere in the USA there is a
large factory that will only recruit married men. One of the local women, one Brenda
Davy, a feisty young lady, was angry about this and demanded to speak to the
manager to find out why.
Brenda demanded to know, 'Why is it you limit your employees
to married men? Is it because you think women are weak, dumb,
cantankerous.......or what?'
'Not at all, Ma'am,' the Factory Manager replied. 'It is
because our employees are used to obeying orders, are accustomed to being
shoved around, know how to keep their mouths shut and don't pout when I yell at
them.'
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