funny short stories

Funny Tale of a Lost Senior Citizen

When I went to lunch today, I noticed an old man sitting on a park bench sobbing his eyes out.  I stopped and asked him what was wrong.

He told me, 'I have a 22 year old wife at home. She rubs my back every morning and then gets up and makes me pancakes, sausage, fresh fruit and freshly ground coffee.'

I continued, 'Well, then why are you crying?'

He added, 'She makes me homemade soup for lunch and my favourite biscuits, cleans the house and then watches sports TV with me for the rest of the afternoon.'

I said, 'Well, why are you crying?'

He said, 'For dinner she makes me a gourmet meal with wine and my favourite dessert and then we cuddle until the small hours.'

I inquired, 'Well then, why in the world would you be crying?'

He replied, 'I can't remember where I live.'

An Irishman's Jocular Tale

An Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman all entered a 26 mile long swimming race.
After 12 miles the Scottish man gets tired and drops out.
Then after 16 miles the English man gets tired and drops out.
After 25 miles the Irish man decides he can't finish the race, so he turns around and swims back to the start.

Fun At The Movies

Last week Ronnie Walsh went to the movies at the Rialto Cinema in Bristol to see "Slumdog Millionaire" but because of two women loudly chatting together who were sitting in the row in front of him, Ronnie was unable to hear the dialogue clearly.

Ronnie leaned forward and said in a stage whisper, 'Excuse me ladies but I can't hear.'
'I should hope not,' stormed the woman, 'this is a private conversation.' 

The Silly, Hilarious and Funny Side of DIY [Do It Yourself]

Rosie Hall buys a self-assembly, flat-pack, cupboard from her local Homebase store.  Reaching home Rosie reads the instructions carefully, counts the pieces then assembles the cupboard in the bedroom. It looks really great and she is delighted.

Now, Rosie lives near a railway line and as the train passes by the cupboard collapses.  Undaunted by this misfortune she re-reads the instructions and reassembles the cupboard.  Once more, another train passes and the whole cupboard collapses again.

Rosie now frustrated and thinking that she must have done something "wrong" re-re-reads the instructions and re-re-assembles the cupboard.  Shortly, a train passes and the whole cupboard collapses yet again for the 3rd time.

Rosie is now fed up, cross and rather angry so she 'phones the customer service department.  She is told that this is quite impossible and that they'll send along a fitter to take a look.

The fitter arrives and assembles the cupboard.  Again, a train passes and the cupboard collapses.  Completely baffled by this unexpected event, the fitter decides to reassemble the cupboard and sit inside it to see whether he can find out what causes the cupboard to collapse.  At this point, Rosie's husband comes home, sees the cupboard and says, 'Oh, that's a splendid looking cupboard,' and he opens it to look inside.

The fitter, who had been wondering how to explain his position in Rosie's bedroom cupboard, blurts out, 'You probably won't believe me, but I'm standing here waiting for a train.' 

Amusing Married Men Only Story 

Will and Guy have no information as to the veracity about this funny tale from the USA.

Apparently in a small town somewhere in the USA there is a large factory that will only recruit married men. One of the local women, one Brenda Davy, a feisty young lady, was angry about this and demanded to speak to the manager to find out why.

Brenda demanded to know, 'Why is it you limit your employees to married men?  Is it because you think women are weak, dumb, cantankerous.......or what?'

'Not at all, Ma'am,' the Factory Manager replied. 'It is because our employees are used to obeying orders, are accustomed to being shoved around, know how to keep their mouths shut and don't pout when I yell at them.'